obstacles only idiots face

i was just thinking today, and suddenly realised something really horrible about myself. an awful thing i noticed about me is that whenever i meet or see pretty girls, i subconsiously resent them.
it's terrible. these girls literally do nothing to me and i scorn them just because of their physical appearance. this discovery makes me positively mortified.

i suppose i'm forced to admit that i'm just jealous. I AM JEALOUS OF PRETTY GIRLS. it's stupid and ludicrous but i realise i become really snarky when i talk about them and ridicule them when i get the chance. why am i such a trainwreck!?

i honestly hate this. just because pretty girls exist i oughtn't get on edge. it's not a competition! and there's far more to life than physical appearances. but how do i force the way i feel?
of course plenty of my friends are gorgeous but i suppose because i know them i don't feel so opposed to their existence, although it doesn't stop me from comparing between us. it's not fair! why do i have to feel this way?

if i was telling my mother about some girl who disliked pretty girls because she was jealous, she'd say that girl had an inferiority complex. the thought is disconcerting.

whenever i get disturbing thoughts like this i just wish i didn't exist. i feel so bad. i'm so very sorry to all those girls i scorned without knowing them properly first. i'm sorry i'm so ridiculous. i'm sorry i'm so at odds with myself that i mentally attack those better than me.

it's not my fault i'm unfortunate looking, but most of you can't help looking lovely so i really oughtn't be so cruel. besides, it's wonderful that so many of you can help looking beautiful, and it's wonderful that you work hard to make yourselves look stunning.

women were, after all, created for beauty, and beautiful you all ought to be.
i just need to get off my high horse and step back so that i don't generate any more idiotic sentiments in my head and thus speed up the degeneration of my being.

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