expedient sensibilities

our minds will never meet.

at least, thats what i fear. but there's just something about you. something exciting and thrilling and colourful that makes my heart throb and spin and dance.

from the beginning i felt drawn to you. long before i had ever spoken to you or you had even come to the conscious realisation of my existence. there was always something about you. possibly it was how kind you seemed, or how sincere you appeared. it has always been my inclination to admire people like you; easygoing and friendly, unjudgemental and confident.

how ludicrous it would be for you if you knew!

my heart is the percentage of myself that always leads me into the very basest idiocy. i never wanted to feel this way. my admiration for you has over time gradually transformed into something i am now ashamed of. how could i be so undignified as to let circumstances influence my soul into feeling this way for you?

please dont misunderstand. i am not perplexed by the thought of anyone being enamoured of you. i can and have imagined how there would be a great number of girls aching inside because of you. such a lovely, precious person you are.

your generosity of spirit, your wonderful intelligence, your skill at making people glad...! how i envy you! and how i deeply and tenderly admire who you are.

but something is wrong.

our minds will never meet. at least, thats what i fear.

my heart easily goes toward you. if you demanded my devotion i would serve it with the greatest ceremony; placed into a box, secured with red ribbon, swathed in the fragrance of my admiration. how my heart overflows! i know myself too well to think i could be logical if i was met with anything like that.

but our minds cannot meet. ive never held conversations with you concerning anything of consequence, and intellectually we are not drawn one to another. i like your character, and your good heart, but there it ends.

i feel i always deceive myself into falling in love when my only basis of feeling is high regard and esteem. i think you are wonderful, so my heart is confused. yet there is little else to command my predilections toward you.

our minds dont meet.

what good does it do anyone when there is affection betwixt two persons, but there is a want for mutual idealogical regard? in this fashion, im an incorrigible idealist. i want hearts to meet, as well as minds. the support of both influences compatibility. but here i feel no compatibility.

in the random chance my heart is not disagreeable to you, i still feel there would be little to carry a lasting regard. and i like you so much that i never want that to happen.

i just want to leave here, then, the establishment of the fact that i esteem you highly, and that i do feel sorry that i should ever have fallen into this trap of hopeless empty affection for you. some days i wish i'd never met you, because of how my heart has reacted to that event. but yet in the chance that i hadnt, i would be forced to forfeit all the happiness ive spent knowing you, and for that i would be reluctant to let go.

nevertheless! in the end it's ok. i've learned so much so far. my heart has invariably taken a beating this time, but i will disallow it to ache or grow callous. i will nurse it back to health like a scheming troublesome child that i must protect, despite my frustrations with it. then finally when i make the decision to well and truly Love, i will remember that it is because my restless, overthinking, passionate mind has

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